Gravity
by la-fleur-de-lys
Summary: “Yes, you can.”, she told herself, “You can – and you will.” She straightened her shoulders and followed Booth into the small room. As soon as she put her feet through the door, she knew that she had been terribly wrong.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everybody! First of all I want to say that I'm really (and by that I mean **really really)** happy, you decided to read my story. I'm totally new to the whole fanfiction-writing thing, and this is my first story in english (which is NOT my mother-language, so please be kind if there are some mistakes^^)...so I need you to give me some reviews, and tell me if you like the story; what is good and what I should do better!_

_Okay, let's talk about the story now....if anyone of you hasn't seen the season 4 finale and doesn't want to get spoilert you should stop reading NOW!!_

_The story is set in season 5 some time after Booth's surgery, but in my universe this whole Brennan-wants-a-baby-thing has never happend...yeah you'll find out that I've changed some small details (okay, this is maybe a big one, but the others really aren't that important - except of Brennan's past before and at the foster care...I've kind of rewritten it )...I call that artistic license^^  
Maybe it will be a little OOC, but I just had to write this story down because it was on my mind since I re-read the book "My sisters keeper"....yeah I know, those of you who know the book (or the movie) probably have absolut no idea how the plot of it fits into "Bones", but what should I say? My brain does funny things when I'm bored ;-)  
_

_Plot: One day Brennan breaks down during an interrogation, because some memories from her teenage-years suddenly came back. Booth wants to know what's going on and finds out that there were a lot traumatic things about her past which he didn't know._

_**Disclaimer: **Bones belongs to FOX and not to me, neither does the book "My sisters keeper"  
If there are any similarities to other stories, I apologize for that, but I haven't done it on purpose because I really wrote this on my own!_

**Gravity**

**Chapter 1 **

"Booth."

"We found out the identity of our victim. His name is Robert Palmer."

"Great, Bones! I'll check out if there are any relatives or other useful information. Call you as soon as I've found something."

Three hours later he parked his SUV in front of the hospital.

"What are we doing here? I thought we're going to tell Ms. Palmer, that her husband has been murdered."  
"We do."  
"So we're at the hospital because…"  
"Because she is. She gave birth to her child a few days ago."  
"Oh, okay."

He noticed the suddenly very reserved tone in her voice, as usual when their conversation-themes include children – except Parker. She really seems to like his son, for which he's more than grateful. But why does she have such an antipathy against other children? He just can't figure that one out….and God knows he really tried hard.

He led her through the main entrance, his hand – as always – at the small of her back. In the past it would've scared the hell out of her – not the touch itself, but the intimacy, which it provided - but as time gone by, she got used to it. Got used to him. She had accepted Booth as a part of her life, as her partner and friend. Maybe more. But she just couldn't allow herself to think of him as more than her best friend. She was definitely not ready for that. For a relationship with him. Of course she trusted Booth, more than he would ever know – she even let him look behind these high walls, which she had built a long time ago to protect herself from the rest of the world. She did it only a few times, but she did it. No one else ever got the chance to look behind them, except from Angela. But her whole life she had been abandoned by the ones she loved, and even if he said so, he can't promise that he would never leave her. He worked for the FBI, for God's sake! He could get shot and die every day – already did. She just didn't know if she should do it; let all those feelings come to the surface, because if she did, there would be no turning back. And she knew, if something would happen to him, if he died, it would kill her. She always pretended to be a strong and independent woman, but most of that was a well built and protected façade. Fact was, she wouldn't be able to get through that another time. Couldn't stand to lose the one person she really loved. – Again.

She was that deep lost in thought, she barely heard what Booth said to the nurse at the counter. Obviously he had found out where they'd find Margaret Palmer, because he thanked the nurse and moved towards the elevator. As the doors pulled open at the 3rd floor Brennan froze in shock – unable to move.

"Bones – you coming?"  
"Where are we?"  
"Neonatology."  
"I know that, what I wanted to say is – Why are we here?"  
"To talk to Margaret Palmer. Obviously the fact that her husband had been missing for two weeks had caused her that much stress, that her baby came 4 weeks earlier than planned."  
Somehow she managed to step outside of the elevator, but the fear still streamed through her body, which didn't allow her any straight thoughts.  
"Bones, are you okay? You're as pale as a wall."  
"Everything is fine Booth, really."

She knew by the look of his eyes that he knew she was lying. He never bought her lies. And of course she lied. Nothing was fine. She was only a few steps away from a mental breakdown. But he didn't say anything. Obviously he knew that now wasn't the right time to ask questions. He always knew. And she was very grateful for that.  
She didn't know if she could stand being in that room; seeing all those little babies in their incubators. "Yes, you can.", she told herself, "You can – and you will." She straightened her shoulders and followed Booth into the small room. As soon as she put her feet through the door, she knew that she had been terribly wrong. How could she ever think she would be able to keep the memories far away at the back of her brain, where she kept them over all these years, once she stepped into that room? Of course she couldn't. They flooded her with such intensity, that she felt like drowning within seconds.  
She managed to stay there for a few minutes, but when she realized, that she wouldn't be able to keep the tears from falling, she knew she had to get out of there as fast as possible.  
"Booth, I….I don't feel quite good, I think I should wait in the car."  
Even she noticed how thin and broken her voice sounded. He looked at her with worried eyes, but nodded.

She hurried to the car and closed the door at the same moment as her walls broke down and tears began streaming down her face.

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**Hope you liked it and please press the beautiful green button below^^**


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello again ;-)_

_First of all thank you so much for all the reviews and story alerts!! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw how many of you have read the story, but then I looked twice and found out that there hasn't changed anything at the screen and it really made me extremly happy!!_

_Okay, I know this chapter is really short and I'm really sorry about that, but there are 2 reasons for it. First, I once wanted this story to be a two-shot, but now I got inspired by your reviews and I want to make this story a little bit longer (at least 5 chapters), so I had to end this chapter at that point. And second, yeah I confess it, I really got caught up into this book I bought on wednesday...it always goes that way, once I started reading a good book, I can't put it down until it's finished...it's like living in another world for a few days...so again I'm sorry._

_But because this is quite short and it took me really long to update this story, I have a little surprise for all of you at the end of this chapter, hope you like it^^_

_And now, here we go:_

_  
(oh, I almost forgot: I don't own Bones!!)_

**Chapter 2 **

30 minutes later Booth returned to the car. He climbed in and his heart almost broke at the sight right in front of him – his Bones red-eyed at the passenger seat. She must have been crying the whole time, since she got out of the hospital. He had barely seen her that jazzed and he really had to find out what that all was about, because he got more worried minute by minute. But as his eyes met hers, he knew that right now she wouldn't tell him anything. Her eyes pleaded for him to let it go, and he could tell that it took all her strength to gain her composure and not bursting into tears again. So he let it go – for now, but there will be a serious conversation about that whole scenario soon.

"Bones, you look like you need some rest, I know we're on this case but…I really think I should drive you home instead of the Jeffersonian. Wendell is a smart guy, he will be able to handle – "

"Okay", she interrupted him, "Home sounds good."

"Okay.", he said a little confused. No fighting? No arguing? It was middle of the day and she agreed in going home during working on a case? Okay, _now_ he really was worried, because that was so not like Bones. He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, as she turned away from him, resting her forehead on the window, watching the houses passing by.

15 minutes later he parked his SUV in front of her apartment-complex. He got out of the car and hurried to the other side, to open the door for her. Normally she would have started complaining about his alpha-male-behavior, but today she just thanked him. He walked her up to her apartment, and as she was about to walk through the door he hold her back.  
"Hey…you're going to be okay in there? I mean….all alone?" He just had to ask this question. He needed her to say that she'll be okay.

"I will. Everything is fine.", she reassured him.

'Yeah, sure. Everything's fine. And will be the next president of the United States.', he thought.

"But you know, in case you need anything, just call okay? I'll be there immediately."

She only nodded.

"No, Bones really…I mean it. If you need anything you call me okay? You will swallow your damn pride and call me. Got it?", his voice was soft but determined.

"I promise.", she said and looked into his eyes to show him that she understood.

He had a really hard time keeping himself from taking her into his arms, because he wasn't sure that if once he had started hugging her, he would be able to let her go again. She looked so fragile as she stood there right in front of him, her eyes only showing pain and fear. But he knew that she needed space right now. Time to collect herself, before she was able to let him in. So he just squeezed her arm ever so slightly, turned around and headed back to his SUV.

Temperance walked into her apartment, kicked her shoes off and collapsed onto the couch. She finally gave in and let the tears fall, which had burned behind her eyes since she had forced herself to stop crying back in the car. She kept crying till there were no more tears left and stared at the wall until she fell asleep.

The next morning she awoke with a bad headache, still curled up on her couch. It only took a few minutes for the memories to come back and she started crying again. When she finally was able to stop the tears from falling, she did something she had never done before – she called Cam and told her that she wouldn't be in today, because she didn't feel well.

* * *

Okay, now here is my surprise, a little extract from chapter 3:

_"Temperance Brennan, you're the most beautiful woman and the most fascinating person I've ever met. You're not only the love of my life, you're also my soulmate. There is nothing I'm wanting more than being with you forever for the rest of my life – being your family.  
What I want to say is: Temperance Brennan, will you marry me?"_

**sooo....who is curious now?? klick the green button to find out^^**


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, I'm SO SORRY, I know it took me extremely long to update this story! But I had an important examination last Thursday, and I really had to study for it, because there will be no chance to do it again in case I failed. So I wrote this chapter between studying and working....I hope there aren't too many mistakes ;)  
(I also have two examinations next week, so probably it will take me a while to write the next chapter, but I promise to update as fast as possible!)_

_A big THANK YOU for all the reviews!!! They really make me extremly happy!!_

_Oh, I almost forgot: One of you mentioned if I have a Beta....unfortunately I don't have one, so if anyone of you wants to be my Beta just write me a message or a review....it would be great to have someone to help me!_

_so, but now enjoy the new chapter!! :D_

**Chapter 3**:

Temperance was able to fight the tears during the whole phone-call with Cam, concentrating on what she was saying, trying to answer her questions as good as possible, but as she put down the phone, she couldn't take it any longer and burst into tears again.  
She felt helpless and angry at the same time. She used to be so strong and rational – at least she thought she was all that – but now she sat there on her couch, unable to stop the damn tears from falling; crying about things she couldn't change. So maybe, she wasn't so rational at all.

She felt like 17 again, the last time she cried that hard about something. No. Not _some_thing – the _same_ thing. But she was an adult now - Dr. Temperance Brennan , world known forensic anthropologist and bestselling author – she should know better ways to cope with those feelings than crying. She should do something useful, like drive to the Jeffersonian and continue working on the case, but all she wanted to do was curl up on her couch and forget everything.  
And that was exactly why she hated feelings. They only make you weak and one day you end up like this. She just couldn't understand why she was the only one who knew how dangerous it was to open up to your emotions. She used to be like all the others when she was young, and she paid – still pays – the price for it. But was she really the only one who had learned her lesson?

Memories from the past started flooding her brain, which made her cry even harder. At one point she must've fallen asleep, because the tears stopped – but the memories didn't.

*****

"_Will it hurt?" she looked straight into the doctor's eyes – crystal blue meeting jade green – hoping the woman wouldn't see how afraid she was.  
"No. You'll be sleeping during the whole procedure and we will give you pain medication for the days after. Maybe you will feel a little weak for a few days, but it won't hurt much. But listen Temperance, are you sure you want to do this. You know it's okay to change your mind, and everyone will understand if you are too afraid to do it."  
"But it's the only way to help him, right?"  
"Yes, it is."  
"Then I'm sure."  
"Tempe, are you really sure?" her mum asked, looking down at her 12 year old daughter, concern shimmering in her eyes.  
"Yes, mum, I am. Don't worry, everything will be fine."  
"Okay, baby. We will be waiting outside, but we will be there when you wake up. We love you."  
"I love you too."_

_****_

_The four of them were sitting at their usual table at the karaoke bar, like they used to do every Friday night – just that this wasn't an usual Friday night. Today was their most important anniversary, and they were celebrating nothing less than life tonight.  
"So, I'm next." Jason said and stood up.  
"Wait – YOU are next? What are you going to sing? I haven't noticed you wrote your name on the list."  
"You couldn't have seen it, because I did it a few days ago. And I won't tell you what I'm going to sing, because it's a surprise. Today is a special day, you know."  
"Yeah, I know." she said smiling. He gave her a quick kiss and started moving towards the stage.  
Temperance couldn't believe this was really happening. Jason truly wanted to sing – right here, right now and all alone. Sure he had a great voice, and she loved it to hear him sing and he knew that, but he had never sung in front of such a big audience before, because he didn't like it. Yeah, they were singing a lot together when they were alone and sometimes a duet at this bar, but Jason always said that he was better at playing guitar than at singing.  
She was brought back to reality when she heard Jason's voice speaking through the microphone. She looked at the stage and wondered where he had been hiding his guitar all evening.  
"Hey everybody. Tonight I'll sing a song, written by myself, for the woman I love.", he said looking directly into her eyes.  
It was the most beautiful song she had ever heard, and it was hers. 'He really wrote a song for me.' she thought. 'He is incredible.'  
When he was finished everybody applauded and Jason made his way back to their table. It was then she realized, that the microphone was still in his hands.  
'What the – ' she thought, but was caught off guard as he dropped to his knees right in front of her, pulling a small box out of his pocket. The whole bar was silent – you could have heard a needle falling down on the floor – and all eyes were fixed on the two of them.  
'Oh. My. God.' was all she could think, as he started to speak.  
"Temperance Brennan, you're the most beautiful woman and the most fascinating person I have ever met. You're not only the love of my life, you're also my soulmate. There is nothing I want more than spend the rest of my life with you – be your family. What I want to say is: Temperance Brennan, will you marry me?"  
"Of course I will" she whispered, afraid her voice would break if she spoke louder. He took the ring – the prettiest ring she had ever seen – out of the box and put it onto her finger, before he pulled her up into his arms for a passionate kiss. None of them noticed that the whole bar was applauding._

_**** _

"_So, what's that supposed to mean?" Alice asked the fear audible in her voice.  
"It means he will die." she said, knowing that there couldn't be any other possibility.  
"Tempe, don't say that! He is strong, he'll be okay, right doctor?"  
"I'm sorry Mrs. Matthews" Doctor Smith answered "But it's the truth. Right now there is nothing we can do to help him. You can hope for a miracle, but honestly I don't think there will be one."  
"Does he know?"  
"No. I wanted to talk to you first. Who do you want to be the one who-"  
"I'll tell him." Temperance said, moving towards the door.  
"Tempe, you can't go inside, you know-"  
"It doesn't matter anymore Alice. He'll die. Nothing can make it any worse."_

"_Hey."  
"Hey, what….what are you doing here? You aren't allowed to be inside of my room….unless…it doesn't matter, but in that case there are only two possibilities….and from the look on your face I think it isn't the good one." She sat down on the chair beside his bed, tears shimmering in her eyes.  
"I'll die, right?"  
"Yeah." she whispered and took his hand in hers.  
"I'm so sorry, I should've done more to stop this from happening, but now-"  
"Hey, hey…shhh…" he said while wiping away the tears which were now running down her cheeks.  
"It's not your fault, okay? You've done everything you could – even more than I should have asked for. Come here, honey." He motioned for her to crawl into his bed and took her into his arms as she did.  
"Everything will be fine." he whispered into her ear.  
"How can you say that? Nothing will be fine! I'll be all alone, and I don't think I can do all this alone. I need you to be here with me, I need you to help me….there are so many important things we never talked about and now it's too late."  
"You won't be alone baby, you won't be alone." he reassured her, tightening the embrace.  
"I promised I would never leave you and I won't. I'll always be right there." he said as he put his hand directly above her heart."  
"But it's impossible-"  
"Shhh…forget about your facts, Tempe. You won't be able to see me or talk to me, but as long as you remember me, I'll be there."  
"You promise?"  
"I promise." he said, placing a kiss – sweet and innocent, but full of love – on her lips._

_*****_

She awoke at the sound of her ringing phone. It took her a few minutes to realize where she was, but then she was able to localize it on the coffee table. She looked at the display and sighed. Angela. She wouldn't buy her story as easy as Cam.  
"Hey Angela."  
"Hey sweetie, are you alright? When Cam said you wouldn't be in today I thought she was kidding, but it's nearly 11 now and I got worried, so what happened?"  
"Really Ange, it's no big deal. I don't feel well so I thought it would be the best to stay at home today. But I'm sure I'll be at work tomorrow."  
"Okay, first of all – no big deal?! Are you kidding? Through all of these years, you never stayed at home because you 'didn't feel well', a few months ago-when you had that really bad flew-you nearly collapsed at the lab, because you refused to go home. So don't tell me it's no big deal, because it is."  
" I went home, when I had that bad flu!"  
"Yeah, because Booth forced you to. He just took your bag and your coat and told you – I quote 'If you don't go to the car by yourself, I'll carry you. Really, Temperance, I mean it", so that doesn't count. And now please tell me what is wrong."  
"There is nothing wrong Ange, really."  
"You know, you're a lousy liar."  
"Fine I am, but I just don't want to talk about it right now. I _can't_ talk about it, okay?" Angela must have noticed how desperate and weak her voice sounded because she let it go.  
"Okay, but only under one condition: you call me if you need anything- promise me."  
"I promise Ange. Bye."  
"Bye sweetie."

She put the phone back on the table and went towards the kitchen to get herself some water. She hadn't eaten in a while she recognized, but she wasn't hungry. She wasn't thirsty either, but after all that crying she needed to drink something. She returned to the living room and for the first time in years she wished she had a TV. But because she didn't have one, she kept staring at her wall while she tried to find a way to put all these memories and feelings back to where they came from.

* * *

**so....who thought it would be Booth, who made the proposal?? raise your hands xD (but don't forget to klick on the lovely green button with your other hand^^)**


	4. Chapter 4

_hey guys! I know it has been a while since the last update, I've been really busy lately...but now I proudly present: the new chapter!!! Hope you like it!_

_Thanks to all of you, who wrote a review, it really means a lot to me!!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the storyline and the few characters I created by myself...but obviously that doesn't contain Booth, so I don't  
think any of it counts^^ _

**Chapter 4**

Booth entered the Jeffersonian at quarter past 11. He was looking for Bones, to ask her if they had already found out cause of death or something. Well, actually that wasn't exactly the reason for his presence at the Jeffersonian, because if he had just wanted information about the case, he could have called her. The truth was, he wanted to check if she was okay. He really was worried about her after yesterday's events, and pretending to care about the case – what he did, just not as much as he cared about her – was the perfect excuse to show up at the lab.  
He found the platform nearly empty and headed towards her office, expecting to find her sitting behind her desk, doing paperwork. When he got there, he found an abandoned office, which got him concerned. Not the fact, that the office was empty, but when he looked around he saw that neither she nor her coat nor her bag were there, and that was the part which made him worried.

"She's not here." Booth turned around.  
"Thanks for the information Angela, but I have eyes."  
"No, I mean….she's not at the Jeffersonian."  
"Not at the…where the hell is she then?"  
"At home."  
"Yeah, sure….nice joke Ange, but I'm really not in the right mood for joking, so…where is she?"  
"Like I said, she's at home. She called Cam this morning and said that she won't be in today, because she doesn't feel well."  
"Doesn't feel…but Bones _never_ stays at home, because she 'doesn't feel well'…remember that bad flu a few months ago?....I didn't thought it would be that bad…I have to go, see her…make sure she's okay…" he turned around and started heading towards the exit, but was stopped by Angela, who grabbed his arm.  
"Booth wait! I don't think it would be a good idea to visit her now. I talked to her a few minutes ago and she's fine – at least physically. I don't know what's going on, but I can tell you that she needs some time on her own to sort things out. Trust me, it won't do any good to disturb her, otherwise I would be at her place now instead of here, talking to you. "  
"But maybe I can help her Angela; we always talk about everything…"  
"I know you do, but Booth, the Brennan who spoke to me through the phone, wasn't the Brennan we know today. It was the same distant, blocking-everyone-out Brennan she was 5 years ago. At her current state she won't tell you anything. All you can do is give her some time…she will open up to you when she's ready."  
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have left her yesterday."  
"What do you mean, Booth? What happened yesterday?"  
"Seriously Ange, I have absolutely no idea. We were at the hospital to visit Mrs. Palmer and everything was fine until we arrived at Neonatology. She froze in place and it seemed like it took all of her strength to walk out of the elevator. I've never seen that much pain and fear in someone's eyes before. I tried to talk to her, but she pushed me away. She told me that she was fine, but even a blind man would have seen that she lied. We started talking to Mrs. Palmer, but she fled out of the room after a few minutes. When I came back to the car I could see that she had been crying. I wanted to ask her what was going on, but when I looked into her eyes I just couldn't. She was totally devastated. I decided to let it go and ask her about it when she had calmed down a little. I drove her home and made her promise that she would call me if she needed anything. "  
"That doesn't make any sense to me. Brennan has never had a problem with hospitals; she works with dead people, for God's sake! I have absolute no clue what could have caused her reaction."  
"Neither do I. If I had stayed maybe she would have talked to me about it. Perhaps it was wrong to leave her."  
"No Booth, you did everything right. She will talk to us, when she's ready. We just have to wait."  
"I don't think I can do this Ange, I'm not good at waiting, I'm a man of action."  
"Seriously? Booth you are now waiting almost 5 years, for her to realize that she loves you as much as you love her. Believe me, if anyone is good at waiting it's you."  
"But Angela, this is different. I'm really worried about her. I just can't sit here, doing nothing, when I know that she needs me – even if she would never admit that."  
He was aware of the fact, that he hadn't denied with one single word that he loved his Bones, and he knew Angela had noticed it, but he didn't care.  
"I know it's hard Booth, but all we can do is wait for her to open up. If we push her now, she will block us out completely."  
"Maybe you're right Ange…look, I have to go now, but call me if you have anything new."  
"I will call you the moment I find out."  
"Thanks Ange, bye."  
"Bye. And Booth?"  
"Yeah?"  
"She will be fine. She's strong." He just nodded and left the Jeffersonian. It nearly broke Angela's heart to see him suffer that much. She really had to have a serious conversation with Brennan about this as soon as she felt better. This man was totally in love with his partner and she will find a way to make Brennan realize.

*****

Temperance looked at the watch and couldn't believe her eyes: 4 pm. Had she really spent the last 5 hours staring at this damn wall? She definitely had to find a way to deal with her emotions, because no way was she staying at home tomorrow. Absentmindedly she rose from the sofa, walked towards her bedroom and opened the door of her closet. She didn't quite realize what she was doing until she held a middle sized box in her hands. A box she had been hiding in the farthest corner of this room ever since she moved into this apartment.  
She carried the box into the living room and sat down on the couch again. Her heart started racing as she took off the cover. When she was 18 she had put every little piece of memory inside this box and she hadn't looked into it since then. But everything was still there: the photos, the books and two other boxes. She opened the smaller one which contained a necklace with a ring hanging on it. Her ring. The only piece of her jewelry that still meant the world to her. Even if it was part of a broken promise. She put on the necklace and it fitted there like she had never taken it off. She knew it was irrational, but she felt stronger now and she needed to be strong if she really wanted to look through the contents of this box.  
She took out the first book – a white one – and opened it. It revealed the fragments of her planned wedding – guest list, seating arrangements, some pictures of wedding dresses and flower arrangements. It should have been the best day of her life, but she never got that far, and most likely never will. She closed the book and took out the second one. It was red and contained every song she ever wrote – which were a lot. She started writing when she was 12 and it was easy to see the development from girl to teenager to young woman in her songs. Most of them were from the time between her 14th and 17th birthday, and there were just a few from the time after. It has always been her way to deal with her feelings, but she stopped completely when she was 18, because she didn't want to feel anymore.  
She closed the book and looked through some old photos, which were laying spread across the bottom of the box. Smiling faces were staring back at her and she found it hard to imagine that she will ever be that happy again. Tears started to form in her eyes and she put the photos down. She had now looked at everything except that one little box. She knew what was inside of this box, but even after all those years she couldn't bear it to look at _this_ pictures. She put everything back into the box; the only thing she kept was the necklace with the ring. She decided to wear it for a few days. She walked into her closet and put the box back to where it belonged. After that she returned to the living room and lay down on the couch. She looked at the ring and for the first time since yesterday she didn't feel like she would break down at any minute, which allowed her to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

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hope you enjoyed it....let me know what you think!!!


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